Justice Sucks killer vacuum game released this month

Cleaning up the mess in stealth games can be a real headache. Nobody wants to waste a precious water arrow washing away the blood when you could use it to put out a torch so you can stab the next guard. Also, you have to throw the body somewhere where it won’t be found, and the bathtub already contains five corpses. Here’s the solution: be a vacuum cleaner.

That’s the concept of Justice Sucks: Tactical Vacuum Action, an upcoming stealth game where you’re a roomba who’s also an assassin. Building on a small, experimental game developer Samurai Punk released as Roombo: First Blood in 2019, it combines the sneaky murder fun of Dishonored with the satisfaction of tidying up.

After drenching its pastel-colored world in blood, you can swipe over puddles of shimmering red gore to wipe them up as effectively as on TV. You can even mulch bodies, probably with some sort of attachment that costs an extra $9.99, though it seems to spread even more when you do.

The plot of Justice Sucks is that you’re trapped in “the TV dimension”, presumably on a marathon of the 1990s action movie genre where Bruce Willis brutalizes a whole bunch of tough guys at once. To help assassinate your way to reality, you can summon “your fighting spirit, Sexy McClean”, which takes the form of a muscle man from an animated series about punching people. You can also befriend animals. I’ve seen a lot of cute videos where a cat rides a roomba, and in Justice Sucks you can arm those cats to dismember guys.

Justice Sucks: Tactical Vacuum Action will be coming to Steam (opens in a new tab) September 8. The mature content description says it contains “Cartoon Violence”, which seems like another way of saying “you can cut people into steaks and then eat them”.