Thanks to HenrykForkbeard, who asked this question on the PC Gamers Forum, asking. “If you were a video game, what genre/type of game would you be and why? (Additional credit for story/character description).” This is certainly a much more interesting question than “what kind of tree would you be”, a question that only rarely lets you know which people are messy dating sims.
If you were a video game, what kind of game would you be and why?
Here are our answers, plus some of our forum.
Lauren Morton, Associate Editor: An open-world RPG with no limit on how many things you can keep active in your quest log. All quests look cool. I want to finish them all but can’t decide which one to do first—closest? The biggest? The main quest? The personal quest for my favorite companion? All I know is I’m going to take all the quests I can find, go through half of most of them, finish the less consequential one, and skip the main quest while I can, while filling my inventory with crafting materials that I’ve been hoarding even though I can’t remember what they were used for.
Robin Valentine, editor-in-chief: I’d be a classic point-and-click adventure game where the protagonist slowly walks around offering half-baked jokes about things when you click on them. One of those where you constantly get stuck and just knock random objects together hoping they combine into a solution.
Jody Macgregor, Weekend/AU Editor: I would be a stealth game. I’m just here quietly doing my thing on a low Chaos Clean Hands part. (In this game, the healing items are teacups.)
Sean Martin, Guides Writer: I’d probably be a Total War game, but specifically this advise you don’t know how to disable. You know, the one that appears at random times to shout things like “YOU ARE AT WAR WITH THE ETRUSCAN LEAGUE!” or chooses inopportune moments to ramble on about the minute differences between the lancers.
Ted Litchfield, Associate Editor: I’m half way too smart and I’ll make you feel bad for your choices, whatever they are. I am Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords.
Imogen Mellor, Feature Film Producer: I would be an action-RPG about a woman with a bow. As a real life archer, I always choose archery builds when available and so would ideally be a game where the archery was both good and fairly accurate while still being fun. I’m still waiting for Wii Sports Resort to improve.
Rich Stanton, Editor: My game would be half survival sim where you hold down a base, then half Katamari-style physics sim where feral kids mess things up as you needlessly crumble trying to contain the mess.
Andy Chalk, US Information Officer: I’m an inactive game. Leave me alone and I’ll do what I do.
Tyler Wilde, Editor: I started amateur boxing a year ago so I guess I would be a fight game. I haven’t actually competed in any competitions though, so we’ll say it’s early access and only includes a training stage for now. Also, I injured my wrist earlier this year and had some pretty unhealthy habits before my mid-30s. So you’re using a creaky old controller with a sticky D-pad, and sometimes your favorite character seems to wince during their idle animation. , which is weird. Still, you’re pretty sure you’ll be good when the full game comes out. Your character gets out of breath quickly, but their pride stat is maxed out, which you assume is good.
Lauren Aitken, Associate Guides Editor: I’m definitely either a narrative RPG, with lots of choice, romance, and drama, or a chaotic management sim.
Of our forum (opens in a new tab)
HenrykForkbeard: I think I would be an RPG with a roller coaster story of emotions that distinctly resembles Dark Souls in terms of boredom and difficulty. The story would be based on 8 individual characters that you would follow on a journey to find out in the end, it’s really only one character that existed with split personalities and lots of loot.
Wooden saucer: I was thinking Solitaire…because I just want to be alone, but everyone is playing me for a cheap thrill.
Pifanjr: One of those edutainment games that teaches you programming. It has a history to bind all programming assignments, but it’s pretty weak.
Kaamos_Llama: Something that ends up in development hell because all the creatives have totally different ideas, and then it never comes out.
Fridis: I’d be a boring John McClane with a headache-like character in a point-and-click detective FPS game in a neo-noir looking world. I would work at night to get a light tan because of all the neon lights that feed on my headache, which will make me even more eager to finish the night and complete my mission. The missions will come from my boss, Mr. Biggles, a sad creature with a pointy tail wearing an ugly hat from the mid-80s. The kind of hat you think makes you look cool, but in reality, it looks like someone ‘one stomped on your face in a puddle of Melvin the mop and made it your hat.
Biggles would always give me those annoying phone calls just as you were going to bed, telling me YOU were the only one he had on his list who could do the job. In reality, you know he hates your guts and hopes you’ll fail at your job, killing someone. I’ll always give him the “Yes, sir”, then I’ll slam the phone, drink acid on the rocks and shout to my rusty old bike-bed.
I’ll put on my snakeskin helmet, slam the pedal and ooze through the bright alleys of hell while listening to the only music a sane person in this shitty world would listen to – Catatonic bass punk music deep by the Great Warheads.
major : An open-world, party-based RPG (4-6 companions). Either a fantasy or sci-fi theme, or maybe post-apocalyptic. Companions and NPCs would have real in-depth personalities and advanced AI, so they would feel like living, breathing people (no more repeating the same dialogue over and over again). Lots of dialogue and jokes. Conversations and choices made would always have some bearing on the game, whether big or small. Exploration and discovery would be key. The perspective would probably be 3rd person, although I’m not averse to 1st person or even isometric.
ZedClampet: My game would be Napping and Video Games Simulator because I’m about to retire. The main character would be an old man who sees a young man when he looks in a mirror.
Brian Boru: After the incredible success of my board game (opens in a new tab), I’ve been inundated with requests to bring it into the gaming world. The trigger came when Gabe offered to release it as the B-side of Half Life 3 – so the design is well on its way, working title Brian’s saga (opens in a new tab).
You play like me, of course. Beginning as a young prince of thomond (opens in a new tab)the game starts in 976 after the death of your big brother (opens in a new tab) and your first action is to drive the Vikings out of City of Limerick (opens in a new tab) and secure it.
After this tutorial-worthy prologue comes Act 1, an expansion to dominate the southern province of Munster (opens in a new tab) in 978. Act 2 continues the expansion until you achieve dominance over the southern half of the island in 996 – this will be the hardest part of the game, with many shifting alliances and strong opposition.
Act 3 secures the high kingship of Ireland by 1002, primarily by defeating the previously dominant O’Neills. Rather than previous clan-on-clan battles and skirmishes, this period will feature major campaigns and conflicts.
Act 4 is the last, dealing with various rebellions, but culminating mainly in the final epic Battle of Clontarf (opens in a new tab) in 1014, where you lead your army against a Northern Irish defense of Dublin (opens in a new tab)– and finally put an end to the Vikings as a military force on the island.
Only 4 acts, but 50-100 scenes in total, just fleshing out some for now. Only sure, it’s the final scene of the game, the big duel where you cleave SilkBeard (opens in a new tab) in half, thus making him ForkBeard…
So this is it. While the outline looks like a long bloodbath – and it is! – there will be a great diplomatic game going on alongside the military game. If you don’t bring the right guys, if you don’t marry the right woman, if you don’t give the right gift, if your daughter doesn’t accept the right marriage proposal… you get the idea, things will quickly go south on the battlefield. Which is clearly not good, since most of your thrust is to the north
I haven’t decided yet, but it seems natural for combined turn-based strategic and diplomatic phases interspersed with tactical resource claims and military actions. Can be dynamic, only switching to tactical when there are opposing strategic moves in the same area.
There will be an easy difficulty level where you don’t have to complete the “per year” objectives, and I’ll probably take some liberties with the map to allow for more naval tactics – the navy was a big part of BB’s success .
Anyway, the first few days still Gabe says I have some time to flesh it all out.
ruzuyu: I’ll probably be No Man’s Sky at launch…
Lawn: Am… Am I Candy Crush?
I asked PCG Lauren and she suggested I probably follow Jackbox because it’s loud and interactive. She is terribly right.
Krud: Probably Stanley’s parable.[Krud looked carefully at his answer. He knew that some might read more into this choice than he intended, and wasn’t sure whether to stick with it, but ultimately decided it was as good an answer as any. He then returned to pushing buttons at his desk.]